{All From a Kiss}

I dropped Lauren off at school today and as she walked away, she turned and blew me a kiss.  I don't think she knew it, but that was one powerful kiss.  At that moment looking at her,  I knew that my Heavenly Father loves me.  That I am blessed with 3 beautiful, loving, funny, sweet, stress-inducing, sleep-depriving, happy little girls and that I am one lucky momma.  That I need to stop racing and enjoy the moment {Read Here}.  That I need to work {or should I say worry} less and play more.  That nothing can possibly mean more than my job as their mom and if it does, I need to get rid of it.  Yes, I got all that from one blown kiss. It was just what I needed today. 

{Chicken and the Shoe}

The other day I was reading the talk "The Privilege of Prayer" by Elder J. Devn Cornish. Elder Cornish begins the talk with a story of the Lord answering his prayer by helping him find a quarter so he could buy a piece of chicken. {It's a great story--read it if you haven't already} I didn't know at the time, how much that chicken story would mean to me.

This last 3 months has been the most physically and emotionally challenging for me. I have spent quite a bit of time utilizing that privilege of prayer! Prayers that sometimes seemed were not quit making it through with answers that just weren't coming. Was it me? Was my faith insufficient? I felt like I was doing my part, so why was I still struggling?

On one of my worst days, I was trying to get out of the house with the girls. I didn't want to go, I felt physically beaten and emotionally drained and Kylee decided it was an appropriate time to be stubborn. We had lost one of her brown shoes a few days before and I had already searched the whole house over for it, with no luck. It was at this time that Kylee decided she would ONLY wear her brown shoes. On the verge of tears and too tired to fight, I said a silent prayer and begged for help in finding the missing shoe. Immediately I heard, in that still small voice, look behind the cushion. Sure enough, behind the cushion on the couch, directly in front of me, sat the shoe. My simple prayer was answered.

"One might well ask why He would concern Himself with something so small. I am led to believe that our Heavenly Father loves us so much that the things that are important to us become important to Him, just because He loves us. How much more would He want to help us with the big things that we ask, which are right (see 3 Nephi 18:20)?" ( Elder J. Devn Cornish)

Finding that shoe was not a life altering necessity, just like Elder Cornish didn't NEED that chicken. However, finding that shoe mattered to me and because it mattered to me, it mattered to Heavenly Father. It was also at that point that it was confirmed to me all those prayers pleading for "help with the big thing" were being heard. "Sometimes we seem to get no answer to our sincere and striving prayers. It takes faith to remember that the Lord answers in His time and in His way so as to best bless us. "

Those prayers I so much desire to have answered are not being ignored. They have been heard, but they will be answered in His time and in His way. My job is to acknowledge my dependence on the Lord and accept His will, even if it is not the same as my will. “Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done” (Matthew 6:10; Luke 11:2). A truth I've known but obviously needed reminding of.

Is this trial over? No and it might not be for a while and I KNOW this won't be the last or perhaps even the worst of my trials, but answers and relief will come. I will continue to pray and give thanks for the good days and I will continue to feel the love and peace from a Heavenly Father who is real, who knows and loves me and wants to bless me.

President Thomas S. Monson, said: “To those within the sound of my voice who are struggling with challenges and difficulties large and small, prayer is the provider of spiritual strength; it is the passport to peace. Prayer is the means by which we approach our Father in Heaven, who loves us. Speak to Him in prayer and then listen for the answer. Miracles are wrought through prayer” (“Be Your Best Self,” Liahona and Ensign, May 2009, 68).

{Reminder}

I finally sat down and started reading through the conference edition of the Ensign. Something I had been wanting to do since before it even arrived a couple weeks ago! The first quote to catch my eye is by Julie B. Beck, and it seemed so fitting:

"A good woman knows that she does not have enough time, energy, or opportunity to take care of all of the people or do all of the worthy things her heart yearns to do. Life is not calm for most women, and each day seems to require the accomplishment of a million things, most of which are important. A good woman must constantly resist alluring and deceptive messages from many sources telling her that she is entitled to more time away from her responsibilities and that she deserves a life of greater ease and independence. But with personal revelation, she can prioritize correctly and navigate this life confidently."

Isn't that so true!?! Everyday I think of all the things that I need/want to accomplish that day: cleaning, organizing, playing, reading, watching, crafting, going, doing, studying, being, etc. etc. and still have the elusive "me" time {yeah, right!} If only I had a few more hours in the day! Occasionally the list is just too long, so I end of doing nothing {I know, I know! Don't judge me!}

That's when conversations like this happen:

My Dad: What are you doing?
Me: Just sitting here.
Lauren: She's being LAZY today!
My Dad: Are you going to let her talk to you like that?
Me: Hey, I can't punish her for telling the truth!

But the point is, as much as I want to, I don't HAVE to be super woman and honestly most days I don't even stand a chance; but that is okay!

"With personal revelation, she can prioritize correctly and navigate this life confidently.....Revelation can come hour by hour and moment by moment as we do the right things. When women nurture as Christ nurtured, a power and peace can descend to guide when help is needed. For instance, mothers can feel help from the Spirit even when tired, noisy children are clamoring for attention, but they can be distanced from the Spirit if they lose their temper with children. Being in the right places allows us to receive guidance. It requires a conscious effort to diminish distractions, but having the Spirit of revelation makes it possible to prevail over opposition and persist in faith through difficult days and essential routine tasks. Personal revelation gives us the understanding of what to do every day to increase faith and personal righteousness, strengthen families and homes, and seek those who need our help. Because personal revelation is a constantly renewable source of strength, it is possible to feel bathed in help even during turbulent times."

Every day is important. Whether my to do list is full or blank. I am still responsible for increasing my own faith and personal righteousness, strengthening my family and home and seeking those who need my help. I cannot do it alone. I need help through personal revelation.

"Promised personal revelation comes when we ask for it, prepare for it, and go forward in faith, trusting that it will be poured out upon us. "

Now that I have come to this realization, I understand that my days won't magically be full of perfect children, gourmet meals, spotless bathrooms, and endless spiritual experiences. But I know what I need to do to work toward having happy-strong children, a safe-loving home and more spiritual experiences.

"We know we are successful if we live so that we qualify for, receive, and know how to follow the Spirit. When we have done our very best, we may still experience disappointments, but we will not be disappointed in ourselves. We can feel certain that the Lord is pleased when we feel the Spirit working through us."

I am sure deep down, I already knew all this; but occasionally I need a reminder!



To read the whole talk, go here: "And Upon the Handmaids in Those Days will I Pour Out My Spirit." by Julie B. Beck