On the morning of December 28th Dean's younger brother, Damond, passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. They were in Yuma for Christmas break, visiting from Indianapolis, Indiana where Damond was in his 4th year of medical school. It is still hard to believe that what has happened in the last month, really did happen. We have been amazed by the love and support we have felt from so many family members, friends and even complete strangers. We continue to mourn the loss of an amazing man, and our hearts ache for the devastating loss that Adriana and the boys are experiencing. A loss that we will never fully understand.
Through this experience we have been the witness of more miracles than we can count. We know that Damond needed to go Home. Heavenly Father needed him for a purpose we don't know and may not understand in this life. But the Lord has been mindful of Adriana, the boys and the rest of the family. He knows our hearts are broken, that this would be a devastating loss for the whole family {and countless others} and He has and continues to bless us with His tender mercies, with His peace and with His love.
I know that we will see Damond again. Death is not the end. I am devastated for Dean, who has lost his brother. My heart aches for the
boys and Adriana who have lost their dad, their other half. But I know that through the sealing ordinances of the temple Families Are Forever. Dean will see Damond again. Damond and Adriana will be together forever. When they married, their ceremony did not include the words"until death do us part." They are sealed for Time and All Eternity. Forever.
I have come to understand that the atoning sacrifice of our Savior Jesus Christ was not only to provide a remission of our sins, but also to heal our broken hearts and help us overcome our greatest sorrows in this life. Jesus Christ understands our hurt and anguish. He's been there. Jesus mourned with Mary and Martha when Lazarus died. He even wept. And while He was there for Mary and Martha, He is there for us as we mourn and endure the sorrows of this life. I have found that, as I have been a witness to such a great loss, I am beginning to understand what it means to "mourn with those that mourn" and "comfort those that stand in need of comfort" {Mosiah 18:9} I have been blessed with the companionship of the Holy Ghost and the love of our Heavenly Father as I have tried more fully to be the Lord's hands and to be a better follower of Jesus Christ through service to others. As we turn to our Savior, for the comfort and relief we so desperately seek, He will heal our wounds. "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." {Matthew 11:28}
Thirty-one. A prime number. The number of minutes remaining on my laptop battery {ironically}. A card game. Number of days in January, March, May, July, August, October, and December. Number of flavors at Baskin Robbins
And sadly, the number of medical appointments our family has had since January.
31 in less than 4 months.
And we aren't done. And I recognize it could always be worse. {Many people have it far worse than us, I know} This is just new and unconventional for us. But I am grateful. Grateful for physical bodies. Grateful for modern medicine. Grateful for insurance. Grateful it's nothing major. Grateful for answered prayers and priesthood blessings. I am learning to make the choice to be grateful.
"To be happy and to avoid misery, we must have a grateful heart. We have seen in our lives the connection between gratitude and happiness. All of us would like to feel gratitude, yet it is not easy to be consistently grateful in all things in the trials of life. Sickness, disappointment, and the loss of people we love come at times in our lives. Our sorrows can make it hard to see our blessings and to appreciate the blessings God has in store for us in the future.
It is a challenge to count our blessings because we have a tendency to take good things for granted. When we lose a roof over our heads, food to eat, or the warmth of friends and family, we realize how grateful we should have been when we had them.
Most of all, sometimes it is hard for us to be sufficiently grateful for the greatest gifts we receive: the birth of Jesus Christ, His Atonement, the promise of resurrection, the opportunity to enjoy eternal life with our families, the Restoration of the gospel with the priesthood and its keys. Only with the help of the Holy Ghost can we begin to feel what those blessings mean for us and for those we love. And only then can we hope to be thankful in all things and avoid the offense to God of ingratitude.
We must ask in prayer that God, by the power of the Holy Ghost, will help us see our blessings clearly even in the midst of our trials. He can help us by the power of the Spirit to recognize and be grateful for blessings we take for granted." -The Choice to Be Grateful By President Henry B. Eyring
The other day I was reading the talk "The Privilege of Prayer" by Elder J. Devn Cornish. Elder Cornish begins the talk with a story of the Lord answering his prayer by helping him find a quarter so he could buy a piece of chicken. {It's a great story--read it if you haven't already} I didn't know at the time, how much that chicken story would mean to me.
This last 3 months has been the most physically and emotionally challenging for me. I have spent quite a bit of time utilizing that privilege of prayer! Prayers that sometimes seemed were not quit making it through with answers that just weren't coming. Was it me? Was my faith insufficient? I felt like I was doing my part, so why was I still struggling?
On one of my worst days, I was trying to get out of the house with the girls. I didn't want to go, I felt physically beaten and emotionally drained and Kylee decided it was an appropriate time to be stubborn. We had lost one of her brown shoes a few days before and I had already searched the whole house over for it, with no luck. It was at this time that Kylee decided she would ONLY wear her brown shoes. On the verge of tears and too tired to fight, I said a silent prayer and begged for help in finding the missing shoe. Immediately I heard, in that still small voice, look behind the cushion. Sure enough, behind the cushion on the couch, directly in front of me, sat the shoe. My simple prayer was answered.
"One might well ask why He would concern Himself with something so small. I am led to believe that our Heavenly Father loves us so much that the things that are important to us become important to Him, just because He loves us. How much more would He want to help us with the big things that we ask, which are right (see 3 Nephi 18:20)?" ( Elder J. Devn Cornish)
Finding that shoe was not a life altering necessity, just like Elder Cornish didn't NEED that chicken. However, finding that shoe mattered to me and because it mattered to me, it mattered to Heavenly Father. It was also at that point that it was confirmed to me all those prayers pleading for "help with the big thing" were being heard. "Sometimes we seem to get no answer to our sincere and striving prayers. It takes faith to remember that the Lord answers in His time and in His way so as to best bless us. "
Those prayers I so much desire to have answered are not being ignored. They have been heard, but they will be answered in His time and in His way. My job is to acknowledge my dependence on the Lord and accept His will, even if it is not the same as my will. “Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done” (Matthew 6:10; Luke 11:2). A truth I've known but obviously needed reminding of.
Is this trial over? No and it might not be for a while and I KNOW this won't be the last or perhaps even the worst of my trials, but answers and relief will come. I will continue to pray and give thanks for the good days and I will continue to feel the love and peace from a Heavenly Father who is real, who knows and loves me and wants to bless me.
President Thomas S. Monson, said: “To those within the sound of my voice who are struggling with challenges and difficulties large and small, prayer is the provider of spiritual strength; it is the passport to peace. Prayer is the means by which we approach our Father in Heaven, who loves us. Speak to Him in prayer and then listen for the answer. Miracles are wrought through prayer” (“Be Your Best Self,” Liahona and Ensign, May 2009, 68).
We went with D1 and D2 to see the Easter Pageant at the Mesa Temple. It is the first time I have ever been and we all really enjoyed it. D1 and his kids were kind enough to go early and save us some great seats. We got dinner on our way there and then ate there. I didn't think the kids would actually sit through it but they didn't do too bad! Lauren watched it while sitting in Aunt Cassie's or Dad's lap. However, Kylee played, pretended to sleep on the chairs, pretended to sleep on the ground, ate snacks, stood in the chairs, sat in the chairs, sat in my lap, sat in Dean's lap, made faces at the people behind us and for brief moments actually sat and watched.
I asked Lauren what her favorite part of the Easter Pageant was and she said "When Jesus lived again" and "When He was teaching the people." And I totally agree! I loved how it depicted the entire life of Christ with the focus on the Resurrection of Christ and not just His crucifixion {while that part was short, it was still very emotional to watch}. It was a great opportunity to help Lauren understand why we celebrate Easter. I am glad we decided to take the kids; it was a great addition to our Easter weekend.
The cast members walk around before the show and you can get your picture taken with them. However, after eating, we spent the rest of the time before it started in line for the bathrooms! So these are the only pictures we got.
"God’s promises are not always fulfilled as quickly as or in the way we might hope; they come according to His timing and in His ways...Patience means accepting that which cannot be changed and facing it with courage, grace, and faith... The work of patience boils down to this: keep the commandments; trust in God, our Heavenly Father; serve Him with meekness and Christlike love; exercise faith and hope in the Savior; and never give up. The lessons we learn from patience will cultivate our character, lift our lives, and heighten our happiness" -Dieter F. Uchtdorf
I have learned over the last year or so that sometimes, there is nothing left to do but be patient. The quiet whisperings have told me time and time again: be patient, be patient. I finally listened, changed what I could change, accepted what I could not change, exercised faith and then "waited patiently on the Lord." The answers came. Not when I had hoped or how I had imagined; but they came. As I look back now, I know that what I learned in that years time of being patient and relying completely on the Lord, was a far greater blessing spiritually than the physical blessing we had longed for. I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father that knows me and the needs of our family far better than I do, then lovingly blesses us accordingly.
Within the last two weeks we have had both of our cars in the shop.
It was totally frustrating and not exactly what I wanted/felt we needed to spend money on right now. {Thankfully we were blessed enough to even have the money to pay for it.} One night however, I was murmuring to Dean {I have since repented} about why the cars had to break down in the first place? Yes, we were provided the extra money to pay for it, but why did we have to have this trial/inconvenience to begin with? We have been doing our best and trying harder to live the gospel, pay our tithing, etc. I was stressed, tired, and frustrated. Couldn't the Lord just have seen it as a wash and made the cars function properly forever, instead of us dealing with this trial??? {See, I told you I was murmuring!}
I soon received my answer.
As I was preparing the lesson I had to give in Young Women last Sunday, I read this... "Challenges will always be part of our lives, even when we live the gospel. But the gospel does give direction to help us solve our problems, and the comfort and peace we receive from living close to the Lord can help us face these problems without panic or fear."
"Our challenges are of varying degrees of difficulty. Some of them are simple and relatively insignificant. But if they are not handled correctly, they can cause misunderstanding, frustration, and anger. There are also larger, more serious problems that can continue for a long time, causing daily worry."
{I am pretty sure I wasn't handling my "simple and relatively insignificant" challenge correctly.}
The lesson points out that love, prayer, service, obedience, study, and work are things we can do to feel closer to the Lord each day. These same principles can be used to help meet whatever challenges we may face. Without challenges we would most likely not appreciate the blessings we have now and fail to recognize the Lord's hand in all things. {I have since learned the error of my ways.}
I was then reminded of a talk given by Joseph B. Wirthlin, "Come What May, and Love It." He spoke of how his mother used to tell him, in regards to trials and sorrow, " Come what may, and love it." He said: "How can we love days that are filled with sorrow? We can’t—at least not in the moment. I don’t think my mother was suggesting that we suppress discouragement or deny the reality of pain. I don’t think she was suggesting that we smother unpleasant truths beneath a cloak of pretended happiness. But I do believe that the way we react to adversity can be a major factor in how happy and successful we can be in life. If we approach adversities wisely, our hardest times can be times of greatest growth, which in turn can lead toward times of greatest happiness."
Elder Wirthlin also offered 4 ways of coping with trials and challenges 1. Learn to Laugh: "The next time you’re tempted to groan, you might try to laugh instead. It will extend your life and make the lives of all those around you more enjoyable." 2. Seek for the Eternal: "Learning to endure times of disappointment, suffering, and sorrow is part of our on-the-job training. These experiences, while often difficult to bear at the time, are precisely the kinds of experiences that stretch our understanding, build our character, and increase our compassion for others." 3. Understand the Principle of Compensation: "The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude." 4. Trust in the Father and the Son: "“God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son.”2 The Lord Jesus Christ is our partner, helper, and advocate. He wants us to be happy. He wants us to be successful. If we do our part, He will step in. 'The simple secret is this: put your trust in the Lord, do your best, then leave the rest to Him.' "
So does that mean I am happy or excited about what trials and challenges lie ahead? Absolutely not, but I have a better understanding of why we have, even "simple and relatively insignificant" challenges and a better way to deal, solve and learn from them! As well as a goal, and perhaps my New Years Resolution to "come what may, and love it!"
Lesson: Young Women Manual 3, Lesson 3: Living the Gospel Daily Talk: Joseph B. Wirthlin, "Come What May, and Love It", Ensign, Nov. 2008, 26–28
I finally sat down and started reading through the conference edition of the Ensign. Something I had been wanting to do since before it even arrived a couple weeks ago! The first quote to catch my eye is by Julie B. Beck, and it seemed so fitting:
"A good woman knows that she does not have enough time, energy, or opportunity to take care of all of the people or do all of the worthy things her heart yearns to do. Life is not calm for most women, and each day seems to require the accomplishment of a million things, most of which are important. A good woman must constantly resist alluring and deceptive messages from many sources telling her that she is entitled to more time away from her responsibilities and that she deserves a life of greater ease and independence. But with personal revelation, she can prioritize correctly and navigate this life confidently."
Isn't that so true!?! Everyday I think of all the things that I need/want to accomplish that day: cleaning, organizing, playing, reading, watching, crafting, going, doing, studying, being, etc. etc. and still have the elusive "me" time {yeah, right!} If only I had a few more hours in the day! Occasionally the list is just too long, so I end of doing nothing {I know, I know! Don't judge me!}
That's when conversations like this happen:
My Dad: What are you doing? Me: Just sitting here. Lauren: She's being LAZY today! My Dad: Are you going to let her talk to you like that? Me: Hey, I can't punish her for telling the truth!
But the point is, as much as I want to, I don't HAVE to be super woman and honestly most days I don't even stand a chance; but that is okay!
"With personal revelation, she can prioritize correctly and navigate this life confidently.....Revelation can come hour by hour and moment by moment as we do the right things. When women nurture as Christ nurtured, a power and peace can descend to guide when help is needed. For instance, mothers can feel help from the Spirit even when tired, noisy children are clamoring for attention, but they can be distanced from the Spirit if they lose their temper with children. Being in the right places allows us to receive guidance. It requires a conscious effort to diminish distractions, but having the Spirit of revelation makes it possible to prevail over opposition and persist in faith through difficult days and essential routine tasks. Personal revelation gives us the understanding of what to do every day to increase faith and personal righteousness, strengthen families and homes, and seek those who need our help. Because personal revelation is a constantly renewable source of strength, it is possible to feel bathed in help even during turbulent times."
Every day is important. Whether my to do list is full or blank. I am still responsible for increasing my own faith and personal righteousness, strengthening my family and home and seeking those who need my help. I cannot do it alone. I need help through personal revelation.
"Promised personal revelation comes when we ask for it, prepare for it, and go forward in faith, trusting that it will be poured out upon us. "
Now that I have come to this realization, I understand that my days won't magically be full of perfect children, gourmet meals, spotless bathrooms, and endless spiritual experiences. But I know what I need to do to work toward having happy-strong children, a safe-loving home and more spiritual experiences.
"We know we are successful if we live so that we qualify for, receive, and know how to follow the Spirit. When we have done our very best, we may still experience disappointments, but we will not be disappointed in ourselves. We can feel certain that the Lord is pleased when we feel the Spirit working through us."
I am sure deep down, I already knew all this; but occasionally I need a reminder!
Last week we went to Phoenix on Wednesday to go to the Mesa Temple and surprise my sister for her birthday. The temple was wonderful as usual {and I didn't pass out this time-but that's a story for another time} and the surprise was a great success!
We showed up at her work shortly before she got off, bringing her balloons and flowers! She was totally shocked to see us standing there. It was hard for her to concentrate and finish helping the patient she was working with. She then fed Lauren cake, she finished work and then we met up to go get food.
Our visit was short but was, {in my opinion} the best birthday present EVER!
Here Lauren was throwing a fit because we wouldn't let her stay the night at Ashley's house. {Because that's what ever home full of college girls needs right??? An almost 4 year old hanging around! Talk about Par-tay!}
Everyone was getting in on the pouting action!:
Kylee, already sick of being in the car:
Can you tell we are sisters? Practically twins right? Yeah...I know. We look nothing alike. She may be the pretty-good looking one but I got the brains..no wait...she got those too! Never mind. Either way, I Love My Seester!
Last week, I spent 3 days in Phoenix with my parents, as my dad had a heart procedure done. {I left the kids home with Dean} In that short amount of time, I learned a few things. Perhaps they aren't so much new things learned, but rather new things remembered.
1. I Was Meant To Be A Mom! I really missed my babies! I almost started crying as we were driving away and I had not even been away from them for 5 minutes! I felt guilty and unfortunately I didn't feel any better when I talked to Dean the next morning. He informed me Lauren cried/screamed for me for about 2 hours straight, before finally falling asleep! Only to have Kylee wake up and cry the rest of the night due to teething. I was so happy to see my babies faces through the window as we pulled up the driveway when we got home. I understand there will be times when I will go away for a day or two, times when I will need to go away but I know I will always miss my babies and I will always be happy to return home!
3. We Are Not Normal & Laughter Is The Best Medicine. There is a standing rule in my family that nothing will ever happen the "normal" or "as planned" way. It seems like any time we plan or organize something, we manage to only be able to accomplish it the "hard way." We just expect everything to have some sort of snag and laugh when it does happen.
Case in point: My mom got a phone call from the car rental place one hour from our scheduled departure time informing her that they did not have a car ready for her. She quickly called around and was able to find a car from another company. Not a big deal, but why can't things just happen as planned?? We're cursed!
Example #2: Later at the hotel, we were somehow checked-in improperly. On day 2 as we went to our room, we found that our keys no longer worked! When my mom went to the front desk to find out why, it became clear that the lady had checked us in wrong, put us in the wrong room and thought we had already checked out! After the lady refused to take responsibility for the mistake and claimed she "confused us with someone else" my mom got new keys and shared the elevator up with a young couple. As my mom mentioned the problem to the couple, they informed her that earlier that day the same lady had given them keys to our room to see if they wanted to stay there! The guy said as soon as he saw all our stuff they walked out and returned the key to the front desk! When my mom called to ask the lady why this had happened and confirm no one else would be getting keys to our room, her only response was: "They were just playing a practical joke on you. I have never heard of that happening in this hotel"!! We were baffled! How stupid did she think we were? Why would someone make that up? Even after the stress from the day, we were eventually laughing so hard about it! We were all crying and my mom was spewing her water all over the floor! Again: It could have been worse, but why can't things just be normal! At least we know how to laugh about it all and move on!
4. It's All Worth It. We don't know what the future holds. What blessings the Lord will give us or what challenges we will have to endure.
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." {Isaiah 55-8-9}
"And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good." {D&C 122:7}
In the end, it is all worth it. It may not make sense now, it may be hard now, but someday we will understand and we will be grateful.
I once saw a sign that read: "Raising children is like being pecked to death by chickens!" And I agree! Some days are like that! Everyone and everything needs my constant attention; especially my children. Which often leads to me telling my kids: "Wait. Can you please just wait?"
Lately, I have been having a hard time being patient. I know it is a lifetime struggle of mine, but I am suffering from a rough bought right now! I know that changes are in our future {as always} and I am having a hard time being patient and waiting for them to happen. Of course I have brought all of my questions and concerns to the Lord and asked for His guidance and direction. Of course, Miss Impatient over here, I want answers now. I am ready for change now. I am ready to move forward now!
As I was reading tonight, I came across:
Psalms 27:14: Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.
D&C 98:1-2 Verily I say unto you my friends, fear not, let your hearts be comforted; yea, rejoice evermore, and in everything give thanks; Waiting patiently on the Lord, for your prayers have entered into the ears of the Lord of Sabaoth, and are recorded with this seal and testament—the Lord hath sworn and decreed that they shall be granted.
While reading this, I just envisioned Lauren standing at my feet begging me impatiently for something she wanted and me telling her "Wait. Can you please just wait?" Just the same, I ask Heavenly Father for things that I think I need now, right now. Although we have been promised our prayers will be heard, sometimes the only answer we receive at the time is "Wait. Can you please just wait?" As our parent He knows what's best for us. He knows what we need and when the timing is right.
So. I am going to give thanks for the blessings I have now and I am going to wait. And I am going to work {probably for a lifetime} on having the courage to do it patiently.
This week for our Young Women Activity the Laurels and Mia Maids heart attacked 5 houses of families in our ward. When I got home from mutual I found this:
The Laurels had secretly attacked our house! I thought for sure Lauren would think it was awesome! When I showed her, she said {and I quote}:
"What the heck?"
Not exactly the reaction I expected!! {Geez. Someone should tell her parents to watch what they say around her!}
I decided to leave them up all night, so the neighbors could enjoy in the morning. Well, it rained all night. Luckily the garage didn't get wet, but we woke up to a pink mailbox! The hearts bled all over it!!! {no pun intended!} At lunch time, Lauren helped me take them down.
Lauren: Mom did the rain do that? Me: Do what? Lauren: Make the hearts all messed up. Me: What do you mean? Lauren: The hearts are all crooked and on top of each other. Me: No, that's how the girls put them up. Lauren: No, it's all wrong. The rain did it. {Apparently with Lauren, even a Heart Attack requires perfection}
{If all the Church Lingo confused you...read here!}
“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Prov. 22:6)
President David O. McKay counseled: “Three influences in home life awaken reverence in children and contribute to its development in their souls. These are: first, firm but Gentle Guidance; second, Courtesy shown by parents to each other, and to children; and third, Prayer in which children participate” (Improvement Era, December 1956, page 915).
On the morning of December 28th Dean's younger brother, Damond, passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. They were in Yuma for Christmas break, visiting from Indianapolis, Indiana where Damond was in his 4th year of medical school. It is still hard to believe that what has happened in the last month, really did happen. We have been amazed by the love and support we have felt from so many family members, friends and even complete strangers. We continue to mourn the loss of an amazing man, and our hearts ache for the devastating loss that Adriana and the boys are experiencing. A loss that we will never fully understand..JPG)
I know that we will see Damond again. Death is not the end. I am devastated for Dean, who has lost his brother. My heart aches for the
boys and Adriana who have lost their dad, their other half. But I know that through the sealing ordinances of the temple Families Are Forever. Dean will see Damond again. Damond and Adriana will be together forever. When they married, their ceremony did not include the words"until death do us part." They are sealed for Time and All Eternity. Forever.
