{Damond}

On the morning of December 28th Dean's younger brother, Damond, passed away suddenly and unexpectedly.  They were in Yuma for Christmas break, visiting from Indianapolis, Indiana where Damond was in his 4th year of medical school. It is still hard to believe that what has happened in the last month, really did happen.  We have been amazed by the love and support we have felt from so many family members, friends and even complete strangers.  We continue to mourn the loss of an amazing man, and our hearts ache for the devastating loss that Adriana and the boys are experiencing.  A loss that we will never fully understand.

Through this experience we have been the witness of more miracles than we can count.  We know that Damond needed to go Home.  Heavenly Father needed him for a purpose we don't know and may not understand in this life.  But the Lord has been mindful of Adriana, the boys and the rest of the family.  He knows our hearts are broken, that this would be a devastating loss for the whole family {and countless others} and He has and continues to bless us with His tender mercies, with His peace and with His love.

I know that we will see Damond again.  Death is not the end.   I am devastated for Dean, who has lost his brother.  My heart aches for the boys and Adriana who have lost their dad, their other half.  But I know that through the sealing ordinances of the temple Families Are Forever.  Dean will see Damond again.  Damond and Adriana will be together forever.  When they married, their ceremony did not include the words"until death do us part."  They are sealed for Time and All Eternity. Forever.
 
I have come to understand that the atoning sacrifice of our Savior Jesus Christ was not only to provide a remission of our sins, but also to heal our broken hearts and help us overcome our greatest sorrows in this life.  Jesus Christ understands our hurt and anguish. He's been there. Jesus mourned with Mary and Martha when Lazarus died.  He even wept.  And while He was there for Mary and Martha, He is there for us as we mourn and endure the sorrows of this life.  I have found that, as I have been a witness to such a great loss, I am beginning to understand what it means to "mourn with those that mourn" and "comfort those that stand in need of comfort" {Mosiah 18:9}  I have been blessed with the companionship of the Holy Ghost and the love of our Heavenly Father as I have tried more fully to be the Lord's hands and to be a better follower of Jesus Christ through service to others.  As we turn to our Savior, for the comfort and relief we so desperately seek, He will heal our wounds. "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." {Matthew 11:28}

Families are Forever.

{Concert, Snow & Joy}

December was a crazy, fun month for Lauren at school.  Two major events included Snow Day and her Christmas Concert!  The Christmas Concert was your typical school music concert, but the kids have fun performing.  It was fun to see them sing the songs Lauren has been singing at home ALL semester! She looked cute all dressed up with her friends {She was more than willing to pose in front of the tree!}

 Then there was Snow Day....oh Snow Day.  It is quite a production and let's just say I was MORE than happy {Read: joyful, elated, ecstatic} to have the stress over! As PTO board member, I was roped into being co-chair of the whole event. Luckily my partner in crime was AMAZING and kept the whole event going.

The major part of the event is the tons of snow that gets made into a sledding hill on the playground! A company from California brings in an ice shaver and creates a snow hill right there in the middle of our 80 degree Arizona playground!  There was a lot of planning and stress involved in the whole event, but I have to say, I am pretty sure we had a lot of help from Heavenly Father that day.  He wanted those kids to have fun, to experience joy!

Every kink that came up was fixed almost instantaneously!  Thanks to a hay shortage, we couldn't find hay for the snow hill--a friend said he had some we could have because it had been in the one field that had been rained on after a freak rain storm and he now had no use for it.  Our Santa cancelled last minute-- the next day, a man who works as a professional Santa walked in the office and willingly volunteered to be our Santa.  The stickers we needed for a fundraiser went missing--after several prayers, they were found in the most obscure location, that no one remembered putting there.  Based on past experiences, we feared we would not have enough parent volunteers--we had more parents than places to put them!  It started raining the night before our event {rain=melted snow}-- Snow Day was clear skies and beautiful weather.  The principal promised to dress up like Frosty if the kids raised all the money to pay for the snow.  After ordering the costume, he got a back-order response the week of, when we thought it had already shipped--he called the local party store and sure enough they had an even better Frosty costume!

That whole day, I felt an overwhelming confirmation of how much our Heavenly Father loves those kids.  The kids LOVE snow day!  Some of them have never seen snow and may never see it again.  Nothing beats seeing the smiles and complete JOY on their faces as they go flying down the hill or see Santa Claus or do science experiments with snow or play elf games! I literally cried on several occasions. Maybe it was pure exhaustion, but most likely it was the Spirit confirming to me that Heavenly Father loves ALL of His children.  He loves them so much that He wanted these kids to have one absolutely fabulous snow day.  And for us adults, He loves us enough to answer all our prayers and pleas for help, regardless of what they are for {finding stickers, hay or a Santa Claus}.  It wasn't about us or whether or not the details were perfect.  It was about the kids. Our lives and experiences are important to Him.  He loves us and He wants us to be happy and seek joy! {I never thought I would get all that from a lot of stress and a pile of snow!}

 

{Lauren taking her turn down the slopes!}

{All From a Kiss}

I dropped Lauren off at school today and as she walked away, she turned and blew me a kiss.  I don't think she knew it, but that was one powerful kiss.  At that moment looking at her,  I knew that my Heavenly Father loves me.  That I am blessed with 3 beautiful, loving, funny, sweet, stress-inducing, sleep-depriving, happy little girls and that I am one lucky momma.  That I need to stop racing and enjoy the moment {Read Here}.  That I need to work {or should I say worry} less and play more.  That nothing can possibly mean more than my job as their mom and if it does, I need to get rid of it.  Yes, I got all that from one blown kiss. It was just what I needed today. 

{31}

Thirty-one.
A prime number.
The number of minutes remaining on my laptop battery {ironically}.
A card game.
Number of days in January, March, May, July, August, October, and December.
Number of flavors at Baskin Robbins

And sadly, the number of medical appointments our family has had since January.

31 in less than 4 months.

And we aren't done.
And I recognize it could always be worse.
{Many people have it far worse than us, I know}
This is just new and unconventional for us.
But I am grateful.
Grateful for physical bodies.
Grateful for modern medicine.
Grateful for insurance.
Grateful it's nothing major.
Grateful for answered prayers and priesthood blessings.
I am learning to make the choice to be grateful.

"To be happy and to avoid misery, we must have a grateful heart. We have seen in our lives the connection between gratitude and happiness. All of us would like to feel gratitude, yet it is not easy to be consistently grateful in all things in the trials of life. Sickness, disappointment, and the loss of people we love come at times in our lives. Our sorrows can make it hard to see our blessings and to appreciate the blessings God has in store for us in the future.

It is a challenge to count our blessings because we have a tendency to take good things for granted. When we lose a roof over our heads, food to eat, or the warmth of friends and family, we realize how grateful we should have been when we had them.

Most of all, sometimes it is hard for us to be sufficiently grateful for the greatest gifts we receive: the birth of Jesus Christ, His Atonement, the promise of resurrection, the opportunity to enjoy eternal life with our families, the Restoration of the gospel with the priesthood and its keys. Only with the help of the Holy Ghost can we begin to feel what those blessings mean for us and for those we love. And only then can we hope to be thankful in all things and avoid the offense to God of ingratitude.

We must ask in prayer that God, by the power of the Holy Ghost, will help us see our blessings clearly even in the midst of our trials. He can help us by the power of the Spirit to recognize and be grateful for blessings we take for granted." -The Choice to Be Grateful By President Henry B. Eyring

{Chicken and the Shoe}

The other day I was reading the talk "The Privilege of Prayer" by Elder J. Devn Cornish. Elder Cornish begins the talk with a story of the Lord answering his prayer by helping him find a quarter so he could buy a piece of chicken. {It's a great story--read it if you haven't already} I didn't know at the time, how much that chicken story would mean to me.

This last 3 months has been the most physically and emotionally challenging for me. I have spent quite a bit of time utilizing that privilege of prayer! Prayers that sometimes seemed were not quit making it through with answers that just weren't coming. Was it me? Was my faith insufficient? I felt like I was doing my part, so why was I still struggling?

On one of my worst days, I was trying to get out of the house with the girls. I didn't want to go, I felt physically beaten and emotionally drained and Kylee decided it was an appropriate time to be stubborn. We had lost one of her brown shoes a few days before and I had already searched the whole house over for it, with no luck. It was at this time that Kylee decided she would ONLY wear her brown shoes. On the verge of tears and too tired to fight, I said a silent prayer and begged for help in finding the missing shoe. Immediately I heard, in that still small voice, look behind the cushion. Sure enough, behind the cushion on the couch, directly in front of me, sat the shoe. My simple prayer was answered.

"One might well ask why He would concern Himself with something so small. I am led to believe that our Heavenly Father loves us so much that the things that are important to us become important to Him, just because He loves us. How much more would He want to help us with the big things that we ask, which are right (see 3 Nephi 18:20)?" ( Elder J. Devn Cornish)

Finding that shoe was not a life altering necessity, just like Elder Cornish didn't NEED that chicken. However, finding that shoe mattered to me and because it mattered to me, it mattered to Heavenly Father. It was also at that point that it was confirmed to me all those prayers pleading for "help with the big thing" were being heard. "Sometimes we seem to get no answer to our sincere and striving prayers. It takes faith to remember that the Lord answers in His time and in His way so as to best bless us. "

Those prayers I so much desire to have answered are not being ignored. They have been heard, but they will be answered in His time and in His way. My job is to acknowledge my dependence on the Lord and accept His will, even if it is not the same as my will. “Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done” (Matthew 6:10; Luke 11:2). A truth I've known but obviously needed reminding of.

Is this trial over? No and it might not be for a while and I KNOW this won't be the last or perhaps even the worst of my trials, but answers and relief will come. I will continue to pray and give thanks for the good days and I will continue to feel the love and peace from a Heavenly Father who is real, who knows and loves me and wants to bless me.

President Thomas S. Monson, said: “To those within the sound of my voice who are struggling with challenges and difficulties large and small, prayer is the provider of spiritual strength; it is the passport to peace. Prayer is the means by which we approach our Father in Heaven, who loves us. Speak to Him in prayer and then listen for the answer. Miracles are wrought through prayer” (“Be Your Best Self,” Liahona and Ensign, May 2009, 68).

{Continue In Patience}

"God’s promises are not always fulfilled as quickly as or in the way we might hope; they come according to His timing and in His ways...Patience means accepting that which cannot be changed and facing it with courage, grace, and faith... The work of patience boils down to this: keep the commandments; trust in God, our Heavenly Father; serve Him with meekness and Christlike love; exercise faith and hope in the Savior; and never give up. The lessons we learn from patience will cultivate our character, lift our lives, and heighten our happiness" -Dieter F. Uchtdorf

I have learned over the last year or so that sometimes, there is nothing left to do but be patient. The quiet whisperings have told me time and time again: be patient, be patient. I finally listened, changed what I could change, accepted what I could not change, exercised faith and then "waited patiently on the Lord." The answers came. Not when I had hoped or how I had imagined; but they came. As I look back now, I know that what I learned in that years time of being patient and relying completely on the Lord, was a far greater blessing spiritually than the physical blessing we had longed for. I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father that knows me and the needs of our family far better than I do, then lovingly blesses us accordingly.



Full talk can be read here: Continue in Patience by Dieter F. Uchtdorf

{Come What May, And Love It}

Within the last two weeks we have had both of our cars in the shop.

It was totally frustrating and not exactly what I wanted/felt we needed to spend money on right now. {Thankfully we were blessed enough to even have the money to pay for it.} One night however, I was murmuring to Dean {I have since repented} about why the cars had to break down in the first place? Yes, we were provided the extra money to pay for it, but why did we have to have this trial/inconvenience to begin with? We have been doing our best and trying harder to live the gospel, pay our tithing, etc. I was stressed, tired, and frustrated. Couldn't the Lord just have seen it as a wash and made the cars function properly forever, instead of us dealing with this trial??? {See, I told you I was murmuring!}

I soon received my answer.

As I was preparing the lesson I had to give in Young Women last Sunday, I read this... "Challenges will always be part of our lives, even when we live the gospel. But the gospel does give direction to help us solve our problems, and the comfort and peace we receive from living close to the Lord can help us face these problems without panic or fear."

"Our challenges are of varying degrees of difficulty. Some of them are simple and relatively insignificant. But if they are not handled correctly, they can cause misunderstanding, frustration, and anger. There are also larger, more serious problems that can continue for a long time, causing daily worry."

{I am pretty sure I wasn't handling my "simple and relatively insignificant" challenge correctly.}

The lesson points out that love, prayer, service, obedience, study, and work are things we can do to feel closer to the Lord each day. These same principles can be used to help meet whatever challenges we may face. Without challenges we would most likely not appreciate the blessings we have now and fail to recognize the Lord's hand in all things. {I have since learned the error of my ways.}

I was then reminded of a talk given by Joseph B. Wirthlin, "Come What May, and Love It." He spoke of how his mother used to tell him, in regards to trials and sorrow, " Come what may, and love it." He said: "How can we love days that are filled with sorrow? We can’t—at least not in the moment. I don’t think my mother was suggesting that we suppress discouragement or deny the reality of pain. I don’t think she was suggesting that we smother unpleasant truths beneath a cloak of pretended happiness. But I do believe that the way we react to adversity can be a major factor in how happy and successful we can be in life. If we approach adversities wisely, our hardest times can be times of greatest growth, which in turn can lead toward times of greatest happiness."

Elder Wirthlin also offered 4 ways of coping with trials and challenges
1. Learn to Laugh: "The next time you’re tempted to groan, you might try to laugh instead. It will extend your life and make the lives of all those around you more enjoyable."
2. Seek for the Eternal: "Learning to endure times of disappointment, suffering, and sorrow is part of our on-the-job training. These experiences, while often difficult to bear at the time, are precisely the kinds of experiences that stretch our understanding, build our character, and increase our compassion for others."
3. Understand the Principle of Compensation: "The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude."
4. Trust in the Father and the Son: "“God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son.” ² The Lord Jesus Christ is our partner, helper, and advocate. He wants us to be happy. He wants us to be successful. If we do our part, He will step in. 'The simple secret is this: put your trust in the Lord, do your best, then leave the rest to Him.' "


So does that mean I am happy or excited about what trials and challenges lie ahead? Absolutely not, but I have a better understanding of why we have, even "simple and relatively insignificant" challenges and a better way to deal, solve and learn from them! As well as a goal, and perhaps my New Years Resolution to "come what may, and love it!"

Lesson: Young Women Manual 3, Lesson 3: Living the Gospel Daily
Talk: Joseph B. Wirthlin, "Come What May, and Love It", Ensign, Nov. 2008, 26–28

{Detour}

The trip south, toward home, was long.



Really long.



150 miles too long!



After leaving Ely headed toward Las Vegas, I was dealing with cranky kids and Dean wasn't paying attention. We missed a turn. A very important turn. It wasn't until it was too late, 150 miles too late, that we realized we had missed the turn. I was on the verge of tears. Dean was just mad. We both felt stupid. And the kids were tired of being in the car.



These pictures were taken when we stopped to let the kids out for a walk, just before we realized our predicament. As you can tell, there wasn't much around. After we got back in the car, we started to wonder why we had been on this road for so long. Where were the road signs to Las Vegas? Unfortunately we had not bothered to turn on the navigation {internet required} before then and at that point there was no cell phone reception. We didn't have a map either. So we did the only thing we could, we prayed and kept driving. Just before Tonopah {yeah look it up, we didn't know where it was either} we got reception. Sure enough, we were far from our turn off! So we kept driving, stopped for gas and got back on track. I felt so bad that the kids had to stay in the car longer than necessary! Luckily the kids soon fell asleep and we finally arrived in Las Vegas 2 hours later than expected.



Now we laugh about it {that's how it usually works right?} but in the middle of it, it was not very funny. "What are we supposed to learn from this?" I asked Dean as we were finally headed the right way. This is what I came up with:

Sometimes in life we are going along our way, headed home. We think we have it covered. We don't need a map or GPS; we have done this a dozen times and we feel confident. Then for some reason we get distracted or we just aren't paying attention to the important things. Before you know it we are completely off track; we've missed a turn. We are pretty sure we are lost, but we don't know where we are exactly. We weren't prepared enough to bring a map and we have lost reception. Our only choice: pray for help and keep driving. Eventually that prayer is answered, we get back on track and head toward home. But there are consequences for our error in judgment. We feel stupid for making the mistake and embarrassed when we have to admit to it. Often times someone else is hurt or negatively affected by our mistakes. We have to let go of our pride and apologize, then do our best to make things right again. It's hard to have to travel those extra miles to get back on track but it is worth it. Then when we finally make it, we look back changed, but stronger than we were, with the resolve to NEVER make that mistake again...



or leave home without a map.

{Reminder}

I finally sat down and started reading through the conference edition of the Ensign. Something I had been wanting to do since before it even arrived a couple weeks ago! The first quote to catch my eye is by Julie B. Beck, and it seemed so fitting:

"A good woman knows that she does not have enough time, energy, or opportunity to take care of all of the people or do all of the worthy things her heart yearns to do. Life is not calm for most women, and each day seems to require the accomplishment of a million things, most of which are important. A good woman must constantly resist alluring and deceptive messages from many sources telling her that she is entitled to more time away from her responsibilities and that she deserves a life of greater ease and independence. But with personal revelation, she can prioritize correctly and navigate this life confidently."

Isn't that so true!?! Everyday I think of all the things that I need/want to accomplish that day: cleaning, organizing, playing, reading, watching, crafting, going, doing, studying, being, etc. etc. and still have the elusive "me" time {yeah, right!} If only I had a few more hours in the day! Occasionally the list is just too long, so I end of doing nothing {I know, I know! Don't judge me!}

That's when conversations like this happen:

My Dad: What are you doing?
Me: Just sitting here.
Lauren: She's being LAZY today!
My Dad: Are you going to let her talk to you like that?
Me: Hey, I can't punish her for telling the truth!

But the point is, as much as I want to, I don't HAVE to be super woman and honestly most days I don't even stand a chance; but that is okay!

"With personal revelation, she can prioritize correctly and navigate this life confidently.....Revelation can come hour by hour and moment by moment as we do the right things. When women nurture as Christ nurtured, a power and peace can descend to guide when help is needed. For instance, mothers can feel help from the Spirit even when tired, noisy children are clamoring for attention, but they can be distanced from the Spirit if they lose their temper with children. Being in the right places allows us to receive guidance. It requires a conscious effort to diminish distractions, but having the Spirit of revelation makes it possible to prevail over opposition and persist in faith through difficult days and essential routine tasks. Personal revelation gives us the understanding of what to do every day to increase faith and personal righteousness, strengthen families and homes, and seek those who need our help. Because personal revelation is a constantly renewable source of strength, it is possible to feel bathed in help even during turbulent times."

Every day is important. Whether my to do list is full or blank. I am still responsible for increasing my own faith and personal righteousness, strengthening my family and home and seeking those who need my help. I cannot do it alone. I need help through personal revelation.

"Promised personal revelation comes when we ask for it, prepare for it, and go forward in faith, trusting that it will be poured out upon us. "

Now that I have come to this realization, I understand that my days won't magically be full of perfect children, gourmet meals, spotless bathrooms, and endless spiritual experiences. But I know what I need to do to work toward having happy-strong children, a safe-loving home and more spiritual experiences.

"We know we are successful if we live so that we qualify for, receive, and know how to follow the Spirit. When we have done our very best, we may still experience disappointments, but we will not be disappointed in ourselves. We can feel certain that the Lord is pleased when we feel the Spirit working through us."

I am sure deep down, I already knew all this; but occasionally I need a reminder!



To read the whole talk, go here: "And Upon the Handmaids in Those Days will I Pour Out My Spirit." by Julie B. Beck

{Sometimes}

I will often send Lauren and Kylee outside to play while I am making dinner. It keeps them happy while I get things accomplished in the kitchen. Or maybe it just helps me get dinner made; no one is usually "happy!"

Someone usually ends up crying.
Someone usually gets covered in dirt.
Someone usually gets hurt.
Someone usually finds and plays with something they shouldn't.
Someone usually picks all the flowers and grapes off the vine.
Someone usually gets mad because their little sister is bugging them.
Someone usually gets upset because their big sister won't play with them.

But on this particular day.
There was no crying.
There was no dirt flying.
There was no pain, messing or picking.
There was no mad big sister.
There was no upset little sister.


There was only this:


One big sister who helped her little sister into the swing.
Then pushed her and pushed her.
For a long time.
Without complaining.
Even though she was tired of it and would have rather been playing.
She did it because it made her little sister happy.

And I learned:
Sometimes I have to do things I don't necessarily want to do.
Over and over again.
For a long time.
Without complaining.
Even though I am tired of it and would rather be doing something else.
I need to do it because it makes someone else happy.